My Name is Ethan F.
I go by EthanPow for almost 12 years now which is almost half of my life. I consider myself stuck in a slow motion, as the world is moving quickly and where I became so unprepared for. Fear has always been a deep in my core of emotions when I was young.
Fear is a strong thing… as is anger for that matter. I always had death level fear over doing something that I would do wrong. Mistakes I have made in my life and trying so hard to power through them. There were locks and barriers I would have to place on myself so my mistakes would seem less hazardous to myself mental state.
As I tried to grab on any easy choice as any risk I took seemed like a bad choice as I would slip up all the time. If I couldn’t handle the work presented before me I would move to my other parent and when that wouldn’t work I would swing to a family member. To an uncle or an aunt or a grandparent but I was never going to face those choices even very simple ones like what I was going to eat or drink and take ages for someone to make the choice for me.
It might seem very asinine, to say the least looking back but I didn’t know what to do. With very small ground and even my own siblings, I felt they were on a level where they couldn’t help me anymore. One thing is for sure how much your failures will eat you up and how much sadness when you do reach one to study harder than you ever before.
I feel out til I was on my own something started to reach out. If to inspire me to try… With small, tiny victories I started to gain some footing and my mind starts looking elsewhere. It wasn’t an external voice or wisdom but internal… A voice that was so fed up with tears and regret if it was in the captain’s chair would take any risk to bring prices to me together and move faster than I could ever do before. It wasn’t successful in beating that risk it set myself too but it was there that I couldn’t be myself as I have been but be something I wanted to be.
You can’t measure yourself from the single achievements you could have acquired… Its the failures you have face what make you better.