Ya, oh boy, I had nuclear emotions hit me like all this time since his passing. It may not end anytime soon. Additionally, I have had many occasions thought he was making me angry. A nickname was made to mock his commanding tone at me and sometimes anger from community members how he was. Though that was years ago… and he wasn’t the best father… He was still my father.

My Father Passed Away in his sleep Oct. 26

Heart Failure… which make sense as there were many cases where doctors in Arizona stated how he needs more work. He wanted to get back to the 2 small kids he had over in the Philippines and stressed it much as I at the time was going to head home state (I had it living in a literal oven of a state).

Would he live longer if he kept it up and stick it out in Arizona for a year? I believe yes, he would have. There was a joke which seems taste-less now how he would have died from his heart giving out. Emotional I can get with family.

I am hoping closure, but subconscious won’t let me forget.

Anyone that has lost someone close to them will understand. Some get over their loss and other just don’t as they just live their life. A song that he liked (many) and movies we watched (many) or jokes we shared. I have to find a way to live with it no matter how much it hurts. I can’t stop just because family disappears from my future and now present.

My Job understands and giving me what I need to keep going.

The Store Manager has lost her father and relates to what I am going through as it still gets her as well. All the supervisors have been very patient with me and even be ok one day and the next feel the worst. Though hey asked if I need to go home its always ok if I can’t handle it anymore. Which I only do if I had enough of my emotions slowing me down that made my efficiently unable to help the others with me.

Customers have never been an issue as I normally able to cut off my emotions automatically but not around my team.  My team knows how much it hurts and does anything they can to cheer me up. Typing this its good to know I am an ideal place.

It’s never the end, only to continue.

I believe is that someone can’t… in a philosophical way… isn’t gone and imprints themselves on others and those actions have an important impact. The smallest change how something happens might not seem important to the universe in general. It’s our own nature to seek social environment to link together with those around us. When someone does pass with the strongest links get hurt the most but their memory is that much more important.

I never change my views in order to see my lost family… I always will see them every day in those imprints that still linger in my memories and dreams, if that is a curse… I am able to accept that with a smile.